Stupid Zelda Stories part 1
by Angel's Star
Summary: Ok. Me and a friend decided to make this just for fun. Please don't flame 'cause it's just for laughs. It's got just a little Malink. R&R, please. (major ZELDA bashing in chpt 3 and GANON bashing in 2)
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Ok, short author's note. FRD is Flaming red dragon, AS is Angel's Star, Donut and Honey-Suckle are Angel's Star's muses, and Boo kitty is Flaming red dragon's muse.

Disclaimer: (walks up to a piece of paper and picks it up) NOOO!! NOOO!! (Link) what's wrong? (Flaming red dragon and Angel's Star) we don't own LOZ. 0.o

Chapter 1.

Stupid Story part 1

FRD (sigh)

AS: What's wrong?

FRD: I'm bored.

AS (shouts): IT'S LINK!!!!

FRD: Where?!?!?!

AS: Huh?

FRD: Huh what do you mean huh? (she must suffer from short-term memory loss)

AS: I CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MUST SUFFER FROM SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS?!?!?! I'm so insulted!

FRD: --'.

AS: Humph!

FRD: AHHHHH!!! (falls back on hind end because an arrow was shot through at her feet!)

AS: Who shot that at my friend?!?! (nobody answers)

FRD: How am I supposed to know?--x

AS: Weeeellll.... YOU MUST HAVE ENEMIES!!!!

FRD: Link?

AS: Link?!

FRD: No, Link! (points to Link on the hill)

AS (gasp): I MUST HAVE HIS AUTOGRAPH!! (grabs a pen and some paper. Where'd they come from??)

FRD: Why have his autograph when you can... ohhh never mind.

AS: Can't hear you! (runs up to Link) CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?! Or better yet, CAN I POKE YOU?!

FRD: --' (I'll never understand her)

AS: I HEARD THAT!! Hey, Link, can I have your hat? Or your fairy? Or maybe your horse? Or your tunic??

FRD:HEY STOP READING MY MIND AND HE'LL NEVER LET YOU HAVE ANY OF THAT STUFF!! (runs up to her)

AS: Make me and prove it! : p

FRD:(death glare)

AS (sticks tongue out at her): I've got his fairy! (points to Navi hovering over her head)

FRD: NO, you dingbat, she's yellow your an enemy a "fan girl".

AS: You're more of a fan than I am!! He should see your room! (swats Navi away)

Link: Your room?!?!

AS: Yes, her room is covered with- (FRD covers her mouth)

FRD: (A.S. mumbling through hand) heh heh my room is covered in....in... in ummm....uhhhh (think, Steph, think) PAINT!!! That's it paint. (Stupid, stupid, stupid!)

AS (looks back at FRD and rolls her eyes): Mer foom if coferd wif picfures of you!

Link: What?

AS (bites FRD's hand and gets free): HER ROOM IS COVERED WITH PICTURES OF YOU!!

FRD: O.o Oww....

AS (says to Navi with an evil grin): Who's more of a fan girl now?

Navi: (flies over FRD with a yellow warning)

FRD: (hits Navi on the head)

AS: That's not nice! (hands the fairy back to Link)

FRD: Do I look like I care? --x

Donut (who suddenly comes out of nowhere): No. But if you don't care, can I eat it?

FRD: Sure!!

(Donut jumps for Navi, but A.S. holds him back)

AS: Bad cat!

Link: Cat's can talk?

AS and Donut: Uhhhh... maybe?

Link: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MAYBE?! I JUST HEARD THAT CAT TALK!! (points dramatically at Donut)

FRD: (just watches with interest)

AS (clears throat): This "cat", as you put it, has a name. It's Donut.

(Everybody falls over Anime style)

Donut: What made them do that?

AS: That, we may never know.

(Malon suddenly pops out of nowhere)

Malon (says cheerily): Hey, Link!

FRD: Oh, joy Malon's here.

AS: Yeah. Whoop-dee-do.

Link: Oh, hey _Malon_. (smiles suspiciously at her)

(AS and FRD look at each other in a confused manner)

FRD: Do I won't to know?

AS: I'm not sure.

Boo kitty: Booger. That's boo-ger. Hehehe.

Donut: Where'd that come from? It didn't even go with the moment!

BK: Booger. (laughs so hard that he falls over)

(Donut shakes his head) He's weird...

FRD: Booger? (where on earth?)

AS: I heard that. And why did he say booger?

FRD: I dunno. Why don't you ask him?

AS: 'Cause he's being really weird right now and I'm afraid he might laugh himself into a coma.

(BK knocked out. Poor cat)

FRD: Ewww... (points to Malon and Link doing some things that are not rated G!)

AS: AAAHHHHH!!!! (covers her eyes)

FRD: Get a room!! For heaven's sake!!

(Donut watches a fly fly by, when he suddenly realizes, he must shield his little sister, Honey-Suckle's eyes!! He jumps in slow motion to her, but trips on a stick when he lands. He gets up as fast as one can in slow motion and covers Honey-Suckle's eyes.)

HS: Huh?

AS (points to the paragraph above): That was the longest paragraph we've had so far!

FRD: Yeah, glad you pointed that out for us! (rolls eyes)

Donut: I think the readers can see that for themselves.

FRD: Ok, back to the story!

AS: Uhh... ewww!! Better?

FRD: Yeah, whatever!

AS: SOMEBODY MAKE 'EM STOP!!

(Link starts cooing at Malon)

FRD: Ok. That's it!

AS: Ok. I'll grab Malon and you'll grab Link and then we'll tie 'em to those trees!!

(both grab Link and Malon and tie them to two trees that were right beside each other)

AS: Hey, why'd you tie Link right next to Malon?

FRD: Because.... it's TORTURE!!!! (rubs hands together and grins evilly)

AS: Ooookkaaaayyy....

FRD: Ok, I'm bored.

AS: Wanna ride horses?

FRD: Sure!

(Both girls get on their horses and FRD's fairy comes out of nowhere)

Sora, the fairy: 1 2 3 go!!

(The horses start at the same time and FRD pulls ahead. AS soon catches up and passes. FRD jumps up on a rock and jumps over AS and gets in front. AS gives her horse a carrot to catch up. FRD's horse blocks her from passing. Eventually, AS catches up and they both pass the finish line!)

Sora: It's a tie!

(FRD and AS look over to where Link and Malon are, but the two are gone.)

FRD and AS (looking at each other) :Oh no!

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A/N: Ok, we don't own Kingdom Hearts either. (FRD whimpers) There's part one and it's a cliffy! Go to Flaming red dragon's profile to read the next one! Oh, and by the way, Flaming red dragon's real name and my name are the same! We're both named Stephanie! Wierd, huh? No flames, please.


	2. The End?

A/N: We decided to make this a chapter story 'cause we just wanted to! Flaming red dragon says she might come back to later. R&R.

Disclaimer: Well, Link told us that we don't own LOZ, so... OH WELL!

Chapter 2.

AS: OH NO! WHERE'D THEY GO?!

FRD: Well we could always follow there foot steps into the woods where it's dark...and...where they can be alone... EWWWWWW! BAD THOUGHT!!! BAD THOUGHT!!!

AS: You thought that? YOU'RE GROSS!!!!!!

FRD:.... What?

Donut: Lets not repeat that! At least.. for Honey-Suckle's ear's sake...

AS: Ok whatever.

FRD: Yeah, well, why do you think that they went into the woods? Uhhh? Tell me your side of why they went in there why don't ya?

AS: You're the one who brought up the woods.

FRD: Well I'm sorry that I have an exploring imagination even if it is a little "weird" so to speak.

AS: Never mind it then. Lets just- WHERE'D DONUT AND HONEY-SUCKLE GO?!?!?!

FRD: Well do I look like I know? Don't answer that...

AS: Boo kitty's gone too. You did know that, right?

FRD: He's Boo Kitty. He could be at home sleeping on the bed for all I know and care. I know that's mean but he's just a lazy bum like..like..LIKE A LIKE-LIKE!

Voice from nowhere: I have your kitties, my pretties! You shall never find them or me!!!!!! Mwhahahaha!!

Link (with the voice from nowhere): Wow! How does this thing work? (tap tap tap)

Voice: SHUT UP!!!! IT'S MY CRYSTAL BALL!!!!!

AS: I know who that is! It's Link! And Ganondork... I mean Ganondorf! He's the only one I know who says shall.

FRD: Ohh really... and what made you think that? MAYBE we should hand over the KNOW BELL prize!

AS: Know-Bell prize? We have a Know-Bell prize?

FRD: I was being sarcastic!

AS: Uuuhhhh... Yeah... Let's just go find our cats.

FRD: Sure. Why not?

( AS and FRD walk through the woods. They stay in there for what seems like days, even though it's only been five minutes. They come out of them all bloody, bruised, and dirty.)

FRD: How did we end up like this? I mean, all we had to do is go to Ganon's tower and not in the woods. Who's idea was this in the first place?!!

AS: I'm not sure... But at least two freaky fan fiction writers didn't make us do that!

A different voice from nowhere: WE DID!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

AS: Is this national evil laugh day?

Voice: YES! MWAHAHAHA!!!!

(The two happen to stumble upon Malon and Link behind a rock... We're not saying any more.)

FRD: For the last time GET A ROOM!! NOT A ROCK, A ROOM!! THAT'S R-O-O-M!!!!

AS (slides away from FRD): Yeeeeaaah... We'll grab 'em and tie 'em to trees! Then we'll up-root the trees and take 'em with us!

FRD: No that's just stupid. Now, Link, you and Malon can do that when you're married. For the time being YOU need to help us save our muses, all right? NOW LET'S MOVE IT OUT!

(Every one cowers in fear.)

AS: Just 'cause your Dad is in the army doesn't give you much right to boss us around! We're all older than you!

FRD: Well I'm combat trained better than ALL of you, well, not Link.(sees that Link is glaring at her)

AS: Lets just go to Ganon's castle.

Later at Ganon's castle...

(Every one bursts through the castle door. Malon has her bow and arrow out, Link has his sword drawn, FRD has all three of her spell arrows strung, and AS has her dagger out. All of them are ready for a battle and then fall over Anime style.)

(Ganon turns around and grabs his inhaler. He starts to take DEEEEEEEEEEEEP breaths. He wore a pink checkered shirt with a pocket and pocket protector, black pants that are pulled up so high that they only come down to mid-shin level, he wore ugly green socks with puke-green Triforces on them, red suspenders, and Penny Loafers. His hair was slicked down and looked all greasy and he had a HUGE zit on the end of his nose. And to top it all off, he had had huge thick glasses that made his eyes look really big. And in the middle of the glasses was some tape to hold them together.)

FRD: Oh... my... GOSH!!!!!! (lowers arrows)

AS: MY EYES!!!!!!! (runs into the wall)

Link: (covers Malon's eyes) You don't need to see this....(covers his own eyes)

AS: MY EYES! THEY BURN!!!!

FRD: Your eyes burn? My eyes BLEED!!

Ganon (squeaky geek voice): You guys weren't supposed to come here yet. (starts breathing heavily and brings out inhaler again) I haven't even gotten ready yet!

FRD:(pulls out her arrows again and shoots him down right then and there!) I did him a favor. No one needs to look like that dead OR alive! That was just PLAIN ugly!!(wipes blood from the side of her eyes)

AS: Is.. he gone yet? Is it safe to look around yet?

Donut: Yeah.

Boo Kitty: YAY! My master killed Ganondork! BOOGERS!!!! OHHHHH YEAAAHHHHHH!!!

(Donut and Honey-Suckle slide away from Boo Kitty.)

FRD: I'm embarrassed to have Boo Kitty as my muse...(looks down to see him rubbing up against her leg purring) Well, you are kind of cute aren't you?

Every one: Awwww.

(FRD death glares and they all scoot away.)

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A/N: The end! Or is it...? We might put up another chapter later. Please review, but no flames, please. (We don't own Penny Loafers, either)


	3. Chapter 3! Finally!

A/N: Hi we're back! Ok. Flaming Red Dragon changed her name HOT. Ok? Ok. Don't ask why. By the way, MAJOR ZELDA BASHING ALERT!

Disclaimer: (picks dusty book off shelf and reads) HOT and Angel's Star do not own LOZ.

Chapter 3

AS: We're baaaaaack!

HOT: We know...

AS: Well, you don't haft'a put such a downer on things...

HOT: (smiles evilly)

AS: Uuhhh... yeah... Lets go do something!

HOT: I like shooting things with my bow and arrows (looks at Link with a devilish grin) Hehehehehe...

AS: You can't shoot Link! I can read your mind!

HOT: Oops...

AS: (sudden subject change) Lets go bug somebody!

HOT: Sounds fun to me!

AS: Who do you wanna bug?

HOT: (looks at Malon. Evil smile) Wahahahahahaha...

AS: Not Malon. How about...Zelda!

HOT: Even better!

(The group made their way to the village walls where the drawbridge is. But there is one small problem...the drawbridge was beginning to go up!)

HOT: Crap...

AS: Don't say that! You have no idea who's reading this thing!

HOT: Yeah, I know...people!

AS: You know what I mean! Now we better hurry and get into town fast!

Link: Hey, you guys! Whatcha doing?

AS: (comes to a complete stop) We're gonna bug Zelda, you wanna come?

Link: Well, I think that we're a little too late! But hey the cats got in first! That's good right...?

AS: How'd they get in first! AND WHAT DO YA MEAN WE'RE A LITTLE TOO LATE!

(All hear the drawbridge slam shut!)

Malon: Sorry you guys got shut out. How do you plan on getting in now?

HOT: I've got it! We can use my grappling hook and hook shot over the wall!

AS: But what about the guards on the other side?

HOT: Do you forget that I was trained in the art of Sheika, do you not remember?

AS: You, uh, never told me...

HOT: (jaw drops) You mean to tell me that the ENTIRE three day adventure that we went on to the Fairy Forest that you did not listen!

AS: You said that was your dream!

HOT: No, I had a dream that it would happen. And then Impa came to train me if not only for the five years she had!

(While those two fight, Link and Malon make a plan to get them in the castle so they couldn't be heard fighting.)

Link: How about you guys stop fighting and get in through the, uh...

Malon: SEWERS!

HOT: Hehe...no way...

AS: That might be our only hope. We could ride our horses!

HOT: Ok...

(The two saddle up their horses and ride thirty feet into the sewers when...)

Guard 1: Man, that chili I had did not agree with my stomach!

Guard 2: Whoa, man! I agree! That is nasty!

(AS and HOT slowly turn their heads toward each other. Both fearing the same thing. Then they hear the dreaded gurgling sound of his stomach. And then... the two shafts of light over head closed.)

HOT: (mouthing RUN!)

(They all struck their horses to go on, sloshing through heaven knows what. They turned and ran their horses straight ahead, nearly missing several down pours.)

HOT: This is the last time I listen to Malon!

AS: Me too!

(The group raced out of the sewer and into the rain. Lightning struck near by and startled the horses, throwing AS and HOT forward and into some mud. Malon and Link mounted behind them, laughing. AS and HOT gave them death glares and the two shut up.)

HOT: My new cloak! Grrrrrrrrr...

AS: I can't believe we went though all that just to bug Zelda!

Zelda: (walks outside with two guards holding a large umbrella over her head) Hello, my friends. I found your three cats. Looks like ya'll need to come in and-

(Then, Zelda flings back her head and sings a screeching "Haa!")

Zelda: Get cleaned up.

Every one in unison: Huh?

* * *

A/N: Ok. So we left you with a cliffy. DON'T COMPLAIN! Heheh. Sorry. Oh, sorry that this chappie is a bit shorter, but it's our bedtime and we gotta go!

Link: What's wrong with Zelda!

Malon: You'll find out later. (under breath) She's stupid! (grumblegrumble)


End file.
